Classic: Play Some Skynnard, Man!

Do you get the feeling I haven’t written anything new lately? This is another old one from webpages past … a newspaper article from 1995.

Play Some Skynnard, Man!
Brian Richardson – 1/17/95

I keep telling myself playing in a band is fun. Despite the long hours of practice and the large mound of drums I have to haul back and forth to our shows, I really enjoy playing. But, there are a few serious drawbacks to playing original material in Clemson that I must warn up-and-coming musicians about.

The main hazard of playing your songs (you know, that masterpiece you’ve been crafting like an ashtray out of fine beach driftwood) in front of a bargoing audience is the species designated by the scientific name “musicus predictious.”

They have several attributes that set them apart from the other bargoers. Unlike the female “blonde-harious black-rootious”, they do not become giddy when exposed to alcohol. However they do use specific mating calls such as “WAHOOOOOOO!”, “Free Bird!”, and “Play some Skynnard, man!”. This behavior is independent of their venue … when exposed to an actual Lynnard Skynnard concert, 70% of the species actually yelled “Play some Skynnard”, which is attributed to an ingrained behavior pattern (see Pavlov).

Another attributed behavior of “musicus predictious” is their discontent with performers playing songs they do not know the words to. Rather than attempt to learn the words to the song currently being played, the species will badger the musical performer with requests for specific Top 40 or Classic Rock pieces (see Billboard Top 40).

While this species is not dominant in the Clemson environment, this is the audience that is the most vocal about its desires. The behavioral patterns of the bar owners are patterned by the response of this species. For original music to thrive in this town, this species must be driven away. Here are a few simple steps to help solve the problem:
– If you like a band, don’t yell “Skynnard” unless that’s their name. The actual name of the band is a more appropriate response.
– Send any “musicus predictious” to an actual Lynnard Skynnard concert … they’ll have a better chance of hearing “Free Bird” there.
– If you don’t know the words to a band’s song, buy their tape. Play it in the car on the way to class. Then you’ll be able to sing along the next time they play downtown.

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