Tiger = Wood?

As a functioning human who on occasion (but not often enough) engages in physical activity, I am often in need of hydration and electrolytes. Thanks to the fine folks at Gatorade, I have a number of hydration choices in easy-to-carry bottle form. My latest purchase is Gatorade Tiger, which is “formulated for Tiger Woods” … perhaps a little too well.

My wife is a Gatorade purist … she likes the orange flavor. No G2, no Endurance and none of that Gatorade A.M. crap … orange. I, however, like to mix it up when it comes to the ingestion of electrolytes. I’ve even been known to experiment with Powerade (I was young and weak). While not a golfer, even I was curious to unlock the secrets of what beverage scientists consider to be cutting edge science worthy of Tiger Woods’ digestive track.

The beverage is tasty, coming in three flavors that definitely did not prevent me from accomplishing weekend chores and basic video editing tasks. I have not tested my ability to increase distance off of the tee, but that would be difficult since I don’t play golf.

Oh a whim I read the label, looking for the secret ingredient that made this particular beverage worthy of a golfing legend. That is when I found what may be the source of Tiger’s magic. Yes, the one ingredient in Gatorade Tiger that isn’t in my wife’s orange Gatorade mix …

… glycerol ester of wood rosin.

The Gatorade made for Tiger Woods actually had wood in it! What are the odds?

Now Wikipedia says this is just a basic food preservative, but Suzan and I think this one ingredient may be the key to the emerging Tiger Woods beverage empire. The question is, exactly what wood is the rosin derived from?

I am assuming this is not actually derived from Tiger Woods. He’s not that large of a man, and depleting his essence for a mass manufactured beverage would put an obvious strain on his physique. A few Sam’s Club sized containers of Gatorade Tiger would reduce the man to skin and bones … admittedly a set of skin and bones that would still totally own the average golfer, no matter their handicap.

I was focusing on the type of tree used to derive the wood rosin. Suzan, being ever observant of the world around her, thinks this is derived from the “wood” golf club used for long drives. The question then becomes … which club? Does the caddy need to know which Gatorade flavor Tiger needs to ingest prior to handing over the right club for the approach on 17 at Augusta? Inquiring minds want to know!

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to take a bathroom break. All of this beverage research is driving right through my kidneys.