There’s a button? For this?

What does your car say about you? If it’s the new Porsche 911, it says you’re too lazy to put a new exhaust on your car if you want to sound like an attention whore.

Most of the world expects the auto industry to produce energy efficient automobiles, or find some other genius way to avoid going out of business in these trying times. So why does Porche feel the need to make an overpriced sportscar with an option to sound more annoying at the push of a button?

The upgraded exhaust builds on this characteristic and gives owners push-button control over their cars aural signature. Porsche says that with a touch on a console-mounted button, the optional exhaust gives the customer an opportunity to take in a more sporting and emotional sound, thereby adjusting the car to their own preferences. The system operates with an exhaust flap built into each main silencer.

So the point is to draw more attention to the fact you bought a Porche? Wouldn’t it be cheaper to …

1. Buy a crap Honda and change the muffler (like every other 18 year old I see on the roads today), putting the remaining $50,000 in bonds or gold or whatever G. Gordon Liddy is pimping on TV. Which reminds me, why do people take investment advice from a convicted burglar?
2. Buy a used Porsche that some idiot used to drive like a sports car, leaving you with a loud engine created from years of unwarranted acceleration and poor maintenance. The money made could be used to buy a nice American-made sedan you can drive while the Porsche is in the shop.
3. Buy an American sports car, or perhaps one of those nice Cadillac CTS sedans … like the one the Stig chases around the track on Top Gear. It’s plenty loud and has space for your friends in the back seat (assuming they still talk to you after zipping around turns at 60 mph). You might as well buy a GM product, otherwise they’ll just waste our tax money driving to testify in front of Congress.
4. Get a job driving one of those ad-covered SUVs around with a Viagra or Cialis banner plastered on the side. It gets better gas mileage and sends the same message.